can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
