The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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