Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize