thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
