it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
