Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
