His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
