note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
