she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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