seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize