Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
