Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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