i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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