it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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