I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've blown a few things in my day
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
