You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you never un-have a 4some
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
