he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he thought i was a dude.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
