He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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