I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
