i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
