Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
