I need help removing her.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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