the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
