i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
