return my video game
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
