Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I believe in your delicious
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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