I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
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Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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