I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
