Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
