I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
