He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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