genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
