Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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