if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
