ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
