oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
