I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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