My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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