We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why are you drunk at the library?