Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
