Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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