you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
