i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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