he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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