you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
