and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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