Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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