His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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