He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
