There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
