help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
