How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
