so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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