Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
