I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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