Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
