my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
