It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
