So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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