Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
