Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
