pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
