The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
