drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
