it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
