dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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