i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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