So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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