if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
