Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I intend to get homeless drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
