Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
