I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
